There is a weird contradiction in my life. My friends will tell you this is true. I really love to plan things. I like to know what is coming up so I can make the best possible preparations. I know what I am doing pretty much every weekend through, say, September. And by July I'll have October and possibly November figured out. Well, all right, I already know what I am doing in December too. I'm sure this is some form of OCD but it also some form of Day Dreaming. I like to imagine how an event will go and process all the possible outcomes to make something the best it can be.
At the same time, when it comes to actually doing something I like to throw caution to the wind and just do it. I know this sounds like an impossible combination, but trust me it isn't. Years ago I read a business article that made me reflect on this aspect of my personality. I have no idea where that article was or anything else about it. It was about careers or whatever, something I might have read for my job. It indicated that there were two types of decision makers. There were people who excelled at making the small decisions and people who excelled at the big ones.
And I realized that I was a big decision maker. I have no problem making large, life changing decisions. I just say to myself "Trust the process." If I jump, everything will be okay. For example - do you want to quit your job and move to Georgia? There was no internal debate. There was no fear. I was ready to pack up my stuff and get going. As you know, I did just that 8 years ago and it was honestly the best decision I have ever made. Sure, I miss some folks from my home town but since moving south there have been so many good things that I could have never experienced in my life.
But small decisions - those I have a hard time with. Waffles or Pancakes? I don't know! I like both! Can someone pick for me? Green or Blue? Um...I like both! OMG, this decision is so hard.
Built a tiny house in the woods? Sure, when do I start? Should we put shelves on this wall? Well, the might be nice to have, but I don't know...what does that entail?
There are parts of my life where I am willing to just "Trust The Process." There are some decisions that I suppose I think are bigger than myself. Many people would consider this divine inspiration or some type of God. When I trust the process am I trusting myself or am I trusting a power greater than myself to guide me in the right direction? I don't believe that I am not responsible for my own happiness or success, but I am willing to jump into some things with both feed because Persephone won't let me fall.
Persephone won't let me fall.
I didn't say she wouldn't let me fail. Failure is sometimes the greatest gift. But that is part of trusting the process. Once I decide to let something go, sure I might spend a lot of my time making charts and lists to organize everything, but by then the decision is made. Persephone won't let me fall.